Passion Searching

As a child welfare social worker I feel I have a very meaningful job but it doesn't full fill my soul. This may partially be the compassion fatigue that so often comes along with the job. I like the idea that passion is a way of living; I'm just not sure how to live that way. It is most likely different for each of us. I just want to have at least one thing in my life that makes me shine emotionally when I do it. Something I am drawn to in a way that makes me say ‘if I could do this every single day of my life I would.’ Something that provokes an inner fire that burns so bright it is evident to every one. To live out loud in a way that no one, not even I , can deny it.

Oh, the passion of it all. (Said in a very overly dramatic type of way with the back of my hand against my head)

So my question to you is, What is your Passion and How did you find it or how did it find you?

and

If you see mine wandering in the parking lot please send it my way.

Thanks,
Jennette

Thoughts on God and they way we treat each other.

So one of my friends posted a song today about the United States being united one nation under god. This made me think "Which God?" While I do consider my self agnostic, I hope that there is a god, a plan, and an afterlife. The thing is, which god concept do you subscribe too? The vengeful god?, The All Knowing All Powerful God? The absent God? The polytheistic pantheon? The one 'true' God? All of the Above?

I know that many of my friends and family are very religious and I think that is great. I am a firm believer that if religion is where you find Joy and peace that is right where you should be. I am not trying to sway any one, or change any minds; just express my own thoughts an beliefs; please take it as such. I am not looking for an argument and please don't take this as a 'teaching moment' where you try and change my mind. If you can't do that then please stop reading now and part as friends knowing I love you and hope I can support you in your spiritual journey.

I would like to Express my Idea of God.

1)God laughs and crys at our petty bickering over who is righter, This religion or that religion, this government or that government. I think all he really wants is for us to show love, kindness and respect for each other and all the rest is just extra.

2) If there is more than one God or Goddesses (Yes I think it could be a woman) The likely hood is that they are working together not against each other. I think contention is a man made invention. If they were fighting against each other this world, nay this universe (and all the others), would have ended before it began.

3) What if we are ALL right? Think about it. Why is it either/or why is it not And? If God is all powerful then with him ALL things are possible, why not AND?

4) We create a great deal of our reality through our choices and actions. I think that if there is a plan it is a broad one. God doesn't care what brand of peas you buy, or even if you eat them or not. You did not miss your chance to be _______ because you didn't or did _______. To me that seems petty. I don't think God is petty. Again it brings me back to Love, Kindness and respect.

5) We are more connected than we are comfortable with. I think this is why we try to segregate and individualize so much. It is scary to think that everyone else's choices are effecting MY reality, MY life. Try thinking OUR not MY and see what happens (especially if you are a parent). Think be for you act, you are never, let me repeat that, NEVER, functioning in a vacuum. ALL your actions have effects on others. Even when you are alone and think no one is looking, YOU are looking and you have a response to your own actions, which in turn effects your reactions and responses to others. This in turn effects them. It is actually kind of scary if you think about it. I guess this is very evident to me in my job.

6)Others aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are (ironic don't you think after the previous entry?). We are all wrapped up in our own heads. This may be partially cultural. Don't run you life by should and shouldn't and what will 'so and so' think. God wants love, kindness and respect not obsession, judgement and guilt, to be the basis of our relationships. Think about it next time you try and guilt trip some one in to doing something you know they don't want to do. Are you showing Love, Kindness and Respect?

7) GOD is LOVE; aka GOD = Love. Anything that does not promote this or makes this equation invalid is not of God. If someone is trying trying to provoke anger, fear or hate. What they are doing is not of God.

8)As you can see my view is not of a Vengeful separatist god that excludes for any reason. To me All Knowing is All Loving. He does not need to 'take back the country,' or 'marriage' or 'family' etc because the whole Universe is his and he doesn't need our help. I think he is more OK with us then we think. Again with the laughing and crying; he loves and accepts us UNCONDITIONALLY. Personally I don't believe there is one 'right way to live and be happy' in any aspect of life. What makes you happy at one time in your life is not necessarily going to make you happy in another and that's OK.

9) Balance in all things includes a balanced spiritual life. This can be your relationship with GOD or religion or your own spiritual path. There is such a thing as too much of a 'good thing' and I believe that spirituality is one of those 'good things'

10) God is the Master of Forgiveness so I am sure if I am wrong then he will forgive me.

As with all my posts I reserve the right to change my mind with out prior notice on any topic at any time.

Most of all I hope you all have Love, Kindness, Respect, Peace and Joy in your lives and I don't care where you find it. I just want you to have it. To quote an oldie but a good is "And above all this I wish you Love, and I will always love you." with all my heart.

Jennette <3

Dear Universe.

Dear Universe,

Thanks you for the diversity you offer; the colors, the races, the religions and all the other things that bring beauty to our life. I am so grateful that the world is not one great ball that is both emotionally and physically gray. Thank you for all the shapes, sizes and pathologies. Thank you for the challenges that help me become a better person. Thank you for love and hate and anger and sadness that enrich my day. What a blessing it is to feel, even if it is not always feeling good. Thank you for pain and illness for that which does not kill us… you know the rest :) Thank you for taste and sound and touch. Thank you for all, especially butterflies.

Love,
Jennette

Why not?

You may have heard of the TV show the Doctors and you may have heard of Jillian Michaels, but did you know they are teaming up? Well they are and they are looking for submissions from people looking for help loosing weight and needing motivation. So I decided why not me? So here is my letter I sent to them. Cross your fingers for me.

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My Name is Jennette Stone. I work in a field where we are trying to help people make better choices for them self and their family. I am a child welfare social worker. This is a profession notorious for high stress, low pay, burn out and lack of self-care. I am no Exception. At age 32 I weigh somewhere between 235 and 240 lbs. depending on the day.

The last three years I have been in grad school. During this time I have worked full time at my job, attended classes and worked for free at various internships. This 70 plus hour a week schedule left little time for self-care and my stress levels were at record levels. All of this has contributed to the fact that I am now at my highest weight ever.

I am Excited to say I graduated this spring with my Masters in Social Work. I am in a field where we hope to make the world and life better for others, but in order to be a better example I need to do this for myself.

I also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and would like to be able to have children someday (soon hopefully, we have been trying for over 5 years) it is difficult to watch the parents I work with make choices that hurt their children (and themselves), both physically and emotionally when I am personally struggling to become a parent.

I also have other medical issues that would be helped by losing weight. I am borderline diabetic, have bursitis in my left hip, I have had one ACL reconstruction, I have suffered with anxiety and depression as well as panic disorder, and have irritable bowel syndrome.

I feel that the blend of Jillian Michaels and The Doctors is in a unique position to help me address all of these issues together and help me better understand how they are all interconnected. I know how to work hard but I know I get in my own way. I don't know how to break through that wall of fear I have created myself and I know Jillian could help me do that.

I have several goals in my life being a parent is one of them I want to get my LCSW license and function as a therapist. I also want to become a yoga instructor in hopes of using yoga as a therapeutic intervention with clients as well as a fitness option.

I think that the viewing audience would be able to relate to my desire to overcome stress and medical conditions, would empathize with my desire to have children and hopefully be inspired by my desire to pay it forward and continue to help other in the future.

I would be grateful for any help and I think working with a TV show would help me with an accountability I need.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Jennette Eileen Stone

Give me a head with hair - Pink Hair?

As some of you may know I have never dyed my hair. I am a natural blond and have always been proud of that, Ive been afraid if I dye it I will never get my natural color back. Also One of the last things my grandfather said to me befor he died was that I have beautiful hair. This has been something I have held on to and has kept me from changing my hair much over my life time. I am thinking it is time for a definate change. My long blond hair is so much of my identity that I don't know how far I can stray from that. I have always wanted to have pink highlights in my hair but have been scared. Part of this is due to needing to have a profesional apperance for work so I am trying to find a way to do both and wanted to get some feedback. I have donated my hair in the past and I think it is time to do that again befor I dye it. So here are a couple of looks that I have liked on line let me know what you think.

Body Talk

Sam and I were talking about body image last night. I basically see my self as a beach ball with appendages. Sam is so excited about the changes he is seeing in his body right now due to his new push up routine and I think it's great but at the same time I feel jealous and grumpy about it. I have to remind myself that people succeed in groups, one person's success only makes mine more likely. I want to be thinner and not get sick as often and hurt less. I think that somewhere along the line I decided I am the fat girl and that is my roll in life and I also see it as a protective cop out as well. I can't because I'm fat, people don't like me because I'm fat, etc... I can blame it on the Fat and not on an innate problem with my self. So I want to change this. As I was watching the Biggest loser last night I was thinking even if I only live till I am 65 I still have as much life left to live as I have lived and I have the choice of what body I live it in. I don't have kids so I don't have that reason for my body being so far gone. Just my own lack of motivation or desire to realy make a change in my living style. It is not just loosing weight it is the way I live my life.

All My Love,

Jennette

Boingy, boingy boingy......

My brain does not want to function in a productive manner today or frankly at all lately. I need to contact one of my teachers and discuss why one of my papers is not done yet. I am soooooooo checked out of everything right now. Does anyone out there have any ideas on how to get refocused on work and school? My health hasn't been good and I have been getting ready to go to Vegas for my sisters wedding. I really just want to sleep and to get my brain back. Help.......