Bloggity blogg thingy - Warning may be TMI emotionaly

So I haven't written anything on this in a while. I thought I would just drop a line and chat for a minuet.

So as the holidays approach I am reminded once again that I am over invested in the giving people stuff process. I love giving presents and if I had the time money and psychic energy I would like to get everyone the perfect gift. I know that physical gifts aren't the true meaning of the holidays but I love presents and don't know anyone who doesn't at least like them. I wish I could get a present every day. I like the physical manifestation of someone saying I was thinking about you and thought you would like this. So ultimately I guess what I really like is the part where people prove to you that they were thinking about you even when you weren't there. I never seem to believe that people actually care about me and are going to stay in my life. Everyone leaves, seems to be the theme for most friendships. You go your separate ways after high school, college, job to job and I understand that this is normal and if we were in contact with everyone we would have to take out a loan to send out Christmas cards, but I still miss people. Those of you out there that I still think of Elva, Caroline and Misty, Carmen, Dorothy, Cami and nearly every guy I was ever in a relationship, just to name a few, I still miss you and think about you often and I hope you think of me fondly every now and then and know that I still love you and hope you are all happy and successful in love, life and anything else your heart desires.

So how does this relate to presents? People keep asking me what I want for Christmas and as much as I love stuff, what I would really like is to have these people back in my life in a healthy way. In addition to this I would like to know that there are people out there that I can truly count on to never leave me. OK so now I sound like a 16 year old with an abandonment complex, but sometimes these things don't change. I just want to be important to people and I don't know if I truly am, I think that I am just looking for too much from people sometimes. People have their own lives and priorities and I know that I am not one of those priorities and that should be OK, but some how it still makes me feel less some how. So I give presents to bribe people to stay around to not leave me. Some how I feel that if I put more effort into things people will approve of me more and not leave me. So now, as you forward this to my therapist ( don't worry i talked to her this afternoon) maybe you have a little more insight in to who I am and what motivates me.

Inspiration

More than anything else in my life I want to be inspired. I used to be able to find it in religion, but when inspiration turned to self loathing and guilt it could no longer be part of my existence. I couldn't reconcile my own personal view of God with that of my religion. I need God to be accepting and loving, and to me part of that is being non-exclusionary. I can not believe there is only one way back to god, that there is only one true religion. I believe that in a infinite universe with an Omnipotent God there are infinite ways back to God. That through all the different religions there is some type of truth and that there is salvation or peace through all these paths, but I don't think religion has to be part of the equation.

I believe that one can connect to God, spirit, the universe etc... without religion. Spirituality is an important part of my life, but one that I often neglect due to time. I need to make it more of a priority, I don't know how to do it though. I want to meditate more, read more on spirituality from all religions, take time to commune with spirit. I love the way it feels when a truth resonates in my heart, I have found these truths in Buddhism, Hinduism, yoga, Wicca, Judaism, and others.

Spirituality is an on going conversation and can not be completely discussed in one blog I am sure this is a topic I will revisit frequently.

Gratitude

So it has been quite an eventful couple of weeks. I have been in a car accident and got whiplash, had bronchitis, and today my office was on fire briefly. All this on top of work, grad school and the stress induced by constant media bombardment about the economy and the election I have been feeling a bit over whelmed so I wanted to take a step back today and look at a few things I am grateful for.
1) I have an extremely supportive husband who adds to my life.

2) I live in a country where i have the opportunity to get a higher education.

3) I have the right to express my opinion on why I'm frustrated with the government, election economy etc ... with out worrying about going to jail

4) I have the option to over eat. Now I know that this might be a weird thing to mention but I can't but help to think of all those who don't have enough to eat let alone to much.

5)I have health insurance and when I am sick I can go to the doctor without wondering if I will not be able to pay for it.

6) My husband and I have a relationship that allows us to talk about finances and we are both extremely financially responsible.

7)Both my parents are still alive, together and love me.

8)I work in a job where i have the potential to make a difference in peoples lives.

9)I have a job and so does my husband.

10) I have the right to chose my own spiritual path.

11) Support people out there who care about others and want other people to be successful.

12) Ect.......

So what are you grateful for?

Hi and Welcome

Welcome to our blog! I am currently trying to understand the whole blogging process and I am still learing so please be patient with me.