Sam and I were talking about body image last night. I basically see my self as a beach ball with appendages. Sam is so excited about the changes he is seeing in his body right now due to his new push up routine and I think it's great but at the same time I feel jealous and grumpy about it. I have to remind myself that people succeed in groups, one person's success only makes mine more likely. I want to be thinner and not get sick as often and hurt less. I think that somewhere along the line I decided I am the fat girl and that is my roll in life and I also see it as a protective cop out as well. I can't because I'm fat, people don't like me because I'm fat, etc... I can blame it on the Fat and not on an innate problem with my self. So I want to change this. As I was watching the Biggest loser last night I was thinking even if I only live till I am 65 I still have as much life left to live as I have lived and I have the choice of what body I live it in. I don't have kids so I don't have that reason for my body being so far gone. Just my own lack of motivation or desire to realy make a change in my living style. It is not just loosing weight it is the way I live my life.
All My Love,
Jennette
