So it has been a rough week I have been in bed the last two days due to injuring my back by sitting on the floor. Yep you read that right I sat on my floor in my bedroom to look at clothes under my bed and I suddenly had an excruciating pain up the left side of my back, I couldn't breath and I couldn't sit up straight. I then got to drive my self to insta care after trying to call people while I couldn't breath deeply. I then had to wait for another hour to get in with the Dr at the insta care all for him to give me a shot to relax and kill the pain and tell me It was probably caused by sleep deprivations and stress. In the midst of all this I was trying to get my work covered and texting with people. This stressed me out even more. I admit there are definitely times I am not a spectacular worker but this was really bad because I forgot a report last week and it affected a lot of people. The hearing ended up being rescheduled. The Dr put me on naproxin and hydracondone so I can't drive and I am home in bed with the net book.
Last year I went to the adoption conference for work and listened to a woman talk about her journey with Infertility in titled Miss Infertility the uninvited guest at my life's party. I have adopted her idea of Miss Infertility as an uninvited guest that shows up at life events. There are the obvious times when she invades your space and mind such as baby showers and blessings, Every time you find out some one else is pregnant and mothers and fathers day, but then there are the unexpected times like getting a x-ray.
Yesterday they did a chest and back x-ray to check for pneumonia and tumors (yes they actually told me that) and every time they do an x ray they ask you if there is any chance you are pregnant. So because I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) I have a very erratic menstrual cycle and will go months with out a period. Due to the fact it has been since November they had me do a pregnancy test. And as with every pregnancy test I take ( even though I know how unlikely it is) I start day dreaming of it coming back positive, how I would react, telling Sam, telling others, when would it be due, going to the Dr. etc etc...... and then the inevitable " your good" which is their way of saying you are not pregnant and I hear yep your still broken can't do the one thing I woman is supposed to be able to do. Something a lot of people do on accident ( this is very apparent at my job ). They don't know that it breaks my heart a little bit more every time I hear it. So as I do my x ray there Ms Infertility sits in the corner laughing and putting me down.
So, how do I end this? I want to end on a positive note so I will talk about Martin Luther King Jr. This last Monday was MLK day I am so inspired by the life and Message of Dr. King. I think the world can really learn from the underlying theme of non violence and love. I strive every day to send more love to the world and to banish hate from my life. I am not perfect by any means but it is my goal to choose love every day.
All my love ..... Jennette
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